Tag: Self-Help


She freed herself from anarchy, healed the soul of imposter syndrome, and taught herself to rise above the gloat of sycophants. She was responsible for her Self to discover her journey. 

“Did she hide from the real world?“

“No. She added a chapter to the real world.“

I remembered the patron saint of travellers and pilgrims (Die schutzpatronin der pilger).

Deeya Nambiar, 2022

Talk to Perfect

Habits die hard. Habit of talking, many of us practice, required or not, we “know it all”. The talk takes different forms from friendly chit-chat, sweet nothings, comments to criticisms and advises. The interesting part is in the interpretations we associate with the talk.

The profession of teaching has many listeners. There are many fresh faces waiting eagerly to absorb the “lessons of life”. They feel their teacher/professor is “perfect” and the young adults declare they are far inferior to their teacher.

“Perfect”? How often has one teacher/professor faced the situation to tell their student that, “perfection comes with practice and constant learning”. Not wanting to dishearten them though. “Thank you. I appreciate”. The words bring smile on their faces.

Whether it is a passing statement or they truly mean it, those words are reassuring. Years might have been spent in the classrooms and countless faces should have interacted and distracted, but the habit of finding happiness in talks is relieving.

Perfection is infectious when it comes to journalistic expressions, creative writing or any form of artistic venture including daily cooking and leading one’s life. And as the teacher walks down the corridors to the staff room, she introspects her journey – the word looming large still.

Are we actually perfect?” Indeed we are perfect the way we are. But the perfection we inculcate through knowledge, wisdom and experience are meant to gain acceptance with others.

Keeping quiet to a comment is misinterpreted. Failing to acknowledge, when lost in thoughts, also gets misinterpreted. Every expression has a tendency to testify to a smile or a frown. Yet, each one of us feels perfect about oneself. We advise the other, again surrendering ourselves in expressions we best believe, with a picture we like to paint for ourselves.

A perfect talk, to me, is an imagery. The larger picture is “simple” and “perfect”.

Chapter of Life: Action and Reaction

There are days in your life when nothing seems to be going the way you had planned and wished. There are days in your life, when your patient self gives away to the hurt words and actions of others. There are also days when you feel torn apart and you end up saying thing, which you should not have said. There are thus some days when you end up hurting somebody through words or actions even if you did not intend to do so. These are just your frustrations that you may have found an outlet for.

By the time you realise what had happened, equations in relationship often undergo change, forever. And the time that you missed never comes back. Still life, sometimes, gives a second chance.

Yet the best option is always to keep a check on yourself, before you even give yourself a reason to regret and wait for a second chance. My personal experience has done wonders.

– A deep breath to invite calm

It is very difficult to get a clear picture of a situation when emotions like anger and tears arrest you.
Have you ever wondered how you react when your boss calls you into his room to tell you that your performance has not been remarkable, especially at the time of recession? Some react instantly, some stay calm. For sure it would not be a laid back attitude as you know that the current economic situation has also turned more demanding from a performance point of view.
Of course you cannot ignore it. Also, the more you think about your boss’s remark, sleepless nights and a temperament to harm others with words will take more control of your otherwise friendly and calm nature. It is not easy to forget but still you can move over such situations – beginning by taking deep breaths. This would calm you down, and prevent an ugly display of emotions, war of words and wrong decisions.

– A second to think

When situations are not fine, emotions very easily shroud your thinking process. However, by taking a second to think will instantly prevent you from simply surrendering yourselves to the rule of feelings and sentiments. “I’m right, and you are wrong” would soon give way to, “May be I went wrong somewhere, I’ll get back to you”.
In case, if it is your boss who gave you a trimming down session, you would think about the probable reason for the boss’s reaction. Also, instead of bad mouthing and sulking, you would begin thinking of working on target achievements.
You need not run away from situations; or think of “I quit because he said so”.
A second to think can make a whole lot of difference.
– A word it takes to make or break
It is best to avoid any conversation when you cannot think well, especially when you are a victim of emotions. At such a time there are more chances of speaking out those words and things that are hurtful, display aggression, arrogance and animosity. The end result would be nothing but shocked friends, colleagues and dear ones. When you calm down, you will be equally ashamed of yourself and your actions.
As children you might have hurt your parents several times. Once you acknowledge your mistake, or in some cases the parents help you correct your ways, everything is back to normal. And you remember not to repeat the mistake. The parents forgive you and continue to love you as always. However, imagine such a situation with your boss? It becomes really embarrassing coming back to the office after you create a sticky situation.

– A sorry comes to rescue

“I’m sorry,” “I apologise,” “I regret my action”. These are some of the word combination you resort to sort out an issue. It means a lot if you genuinely mean it.
I remember leaving sorry notes on my father’s table. The boss also appreciates if you say sorry for your action. But you have to give your bloated ego a reality check to understand the practical demands of life.
In fact, often it is our ego at work that causes trouble in a generally peaceful environment. Therefore, do not expect anything in return for the sorry that you said to someone.

– A dislike, to adjust to

It is not necessary that you like everybody whom you come in contact with. Every person has a unique individuality. Your may like some, love others and hate few. But when living in a society, be it home, school, college or office, you have to learn to master the art of adjusting to your dislikes too. For instance, you do not like the way a particular colleague gossips, writes mails to top boss with cooked up office stories and situations that did not exist. Unfortunately the person shares the office space with you.
Every day you have to see and be with the person though you hate to do so. Therefore, you become rational. Since it is impossible to change a person, you decide to adjust and concentrate on work.

An article on life that you typed on computer is easy to correct or delete by pressing the keys or mouse button. In real life, you do not often get a chance to undo your emotions, words and actions, once it is expressed. As an ordinary human being, you are bound to make mistakes and sometimes break relations too; next time think before you act.

Published in ezine.com

Help Yourself : Chapter Of Life

A self-help book comes in print. It becomes the best seller. The book shows us the things we know and guides us to follow it. It is a source to help you to lead a better life. Many read and follow the book to be better human beings and to be able to improve their life. But many others turn critics and ponder on as to why it had to sell when there is nothing new in the book.

Agreeing with the critics, when put to think, you would be the first to comment, “The writer has just written all that we know.” But still you do not put it to practice.

You are right when you say you know it all. The only difference is – these are the simple lessons of life you do not take into consideration as necessary. Instead, you love to find fault with others, and read the book with enthusiasm hoping to improve your own life.

You are blind to your imperfection. You do not even take time to think, “Maybe I went wrong somewhere?” Indeed it is human tendency to feel jealous and indulge in self-pity when you miss a great opportunity; or when going gets tough. Yet, often you do not mend your way. You like to complain and hold someone else responsible for your mistakes.

The chapters of life are very simple.

– Love yourself first, before anything else.
If you learn to love you, as who you are, loving others will follow soon. You may be talented, skilled and extremely efficient; but you feel your friend or sister is doing better. In this unwanted competition you fail to see your achievements. You lose out to yourself, giving others an opportunity, to further pull you down.

– I came alone, I will go alone. Others are needed for my existence.
Often you are faced with situations where you are all alone. When you fall sick, you are the only one who can take care of your body. Family and friends act as support systems, which help you to recover. This is just one example. There are many that you face on a day to day basis.
The moment you realise the significance of your existence, you will learn to depend on yourself before looking out for someone to depend on. This will help you to become stronger to face tougher situations.

– Look at the positive side of things.
There are times when, whatever you lay hands on becomes hard to achieve. You refuse to give up, and fight back, because you know that you are gaining in the process. If you stop seeing the glass as half empty, you have miles to go. But always remember to be positive, read, write and spread positivity around. You will feel good and happy too. Even people you come across will be happy to have you around.

– Learn to accept the situations and people as they are.
You will never have an answer for, “Why this happened to me?” You do not have that much time to ponder and brood over it. The best solution then would be to accept it the way it is, and learn to adjust and accommodate yourself to every situation.
For example, you work really hard on your office presentation that could decide your promotion. It is well received and appreciated by your management and co-workers. But when the promotion list is out, your name does not appear in it. You feel miserable, sad and unhappy. You wish not to return to the office anymore. When you do not have a job in hand, instead of creating a scene in public, think and act.
Accept the situation as it is. And continue to be a part of it, till your turn comes – a new job if lucky, otherwise change your outlook and work for the organisation.

– It is easier to change the way you see things than change the situation or people.
You may question “Why only I need to change, when others are not making any attempts?” Simple, you have to live in the situation with the people. Of course, it is easy to teach children the book of life, but once you are in the path of being an adult or adulthood, making attempts to teach is futile.

Self-help is the best help for a successful living. A little change in your attitude with a minor adjustment to the environment, you will find peace of mind and happiness taking the reign of your life.

Published in ezine.com